You’ve Earned It?

I know we are heading into our second month of the year and the holidays are in our rear window, however, I wanted to use this blog to focus on an idea introduced to me over the holidays that I’ve been pondering; earning our rest and the need to feel like we’ve done that. 

This is a concept with which I’ve become rather adept. I’m capable of working hard so I can feel good about “earning” some time off. I can run with the crowd, crank through a 40, 50, 60-hour work week like anyone else. I can juggle travel and meetings and emails. And, like others, I look ahead to the weekend or a break or the close of business knowing that’s when I can permit myself to stop. I frequently think “let me get through these next [X number] of things on my to do list and then I can sit down (or log off)).” In fact, even as I’m writing this blog, I have laundry going, groceries ordered, tax documents accounted for with the thought that as soon as I finish writing this I can rest. It’s pervasive for me.

There is something soothing (which for me equates to self-care) about being organized, responsible, and maximizing opportunities to “get things done”. It’s easier for me to rest once I know my tasks are accomplished. I don’t have them plaguing my mind (“you should be doing…x, y, z right now”) The challenge with this perspective is the to do list NEVER ends! There is ALWAYS something else to do. It’s a struggle for me to release those thoughts and allow myself to stop. I’ve been conditioned to earn my rest.

Thus, the idea about permitting yourself to rest even, or maybe especially, when you have other things to do seems new to me. Giving yourself permission to stop, slow down, take a break without earning it, simply because you need it feels foreign to me, but intriguing and invigorating. As I’ve contemplated it and attempted to start practicing it, I’ve felt guilty for just taking time for myself. It feels selfish and perhaps a little wasteful, like I’m squandering time. I’m wrestling with the idea that it’s ok to just be, simply because you want to, or need to, and can. I know I would graciously and immediately want those for whom I care to feel the freedom to stop and rest. Why is it so hard to do that for myself?

Over the holidays, I saw several quotes on various social media outlets to this point which is what prompted this contemplation. One talked about listening to yourself, staying silent if you don’t want to talk, doing nothing if that’s what you want to do, and avoid feeling like every moment needs to be filled. Again, it reiterated It’s ok to just be. The other from “anonymous” said “You have permission to rest. You are not responsible for fixing everything that is broken. You do not have to try to make everyone happy…” Both of those statements caused me to pause, self-reflect and assess. It’s freeing to have that permission, to give in to yourself, whether you’ve “earned” it or not. The truth is just by being who we are every day we “earn” it. We don’t have to do more or extra or wear ourselves out, checking off every task, to then be able to rest. Life by itself is enough to allow us that pleasure.

My hope is that we are so in tune with ourselves and our needs that we can make healthy choices to attend to them as they arise or even better yet, before we feel so spent and exhausted. It’s easy to ignore those feelings or put them off to keep pushing until we drop but that isn’t always necessary. Be intentional about the choices you make, what you say yes to, how you spend your energy and when you say no. I’m getting better at setting and sticking to my boundaries. Now I’m going to take it a step further and permit myself to rest even before I feel like I’ve earned it. I’m going to work through my innate feelings of guilt and practice taking time to stop even if it feels like I could be doing something else. On that note, I’m going to end this blog so I can do just that, rest. I’ve earned it but that doesn’t matter now, does it?! I encourage you to do the same!