Clean Your Plate
How many of you grew up with the “clean your plate” rule at your house? It was enforced in my family! In fact, I remember my sister, who hated vegetables, sat at the dinner table ALL NIGHT because she refused to eat whatever the green “thing” was on her plate. I know now, like other childhood rules, expectations like that for children have evolved.
Now more often in my circles, when we talk about plates, it’s at work as we describe all the tasks we have “on our plate.” Or the catchphrase we use regularly when thinking about protecting educators is “don’t add one more thing to their plate,” “their plate is overflowing.” I’m not sure where or when that picturesque description began but it is effective. It provides an image that people can understand and consider.
This past month, a very close family member experienced a medical emergency. As with any other unexpected situation that involves a loved one, there is an urgent reaction along with a myriad of emotions. There was a sudden shift in priorities as I adjusted everything to make a quick 5-hour drive to be available for my family. Feelings of anxiety, fear, distress, anger, worry, exhaustion, helplessness, love, devotion, commitment, assertiveness, and relief to name several all start to surface and permeate my being. I felt all of those at varying degrees and intervals. Fortunately, I had the support of my family and friends as well as colleagues, neighbors and even some acquaintances. When you are in a situation such as that, many people offer a kind word, helping hand, or whatever they can do to ease the discomfort of the person going through it. This was my experience. I noticed and embraced the immeasurable amount of comfort offered to me during that time. In fact, I was awed by the number of people who reached out and ironically said the exact same statement. “Let me know what I can take off your plate.” Because of the consistency of the supportive messages, I took special note, not just of how many people reached out but about that specific comment. “…what I can take off your plate.” Usually, people say “let me know if you need anything” or “let me know how I can help.” Although these offerings are kind and come from a good place, it feels like a lot to consider and hard to contemplate. How do I mentally sift through a nebulous pile of everything in my life to think about where/how I need help. So, this new iteration of support stood out. To me, it felt simpler to digest as it sounded more specific. In essence it came across like people were requesting a particular task. Give me an item from your to do list that I can do for you. That subsequently made it seem more supportive and easier to do. In this case, I could more readily consider a meeting or an assignment or something from my “plate” that I could pass along. “Can you cover this meeting for me?” “Can you send an email to XX and explain XX?”
In truth, it is hard for me to ask for help. I like to be self-sufficient, independent and do not want to add burdens to others. However, I am pleased to report that as I practice self-care and the principles of Living SLOW, I am getting better at learning my limits and when I need to lean on someone else or simply let something go. It felt easier to do this time. Perhaps this circumstance allowed for that growth as I had to direct my energy and attention elsewhere, so I was forced to practice the “task hand-off.”
Furthermore, it provided a good reminder to me that allowing others to step in and step up provides growth opportunities for them. It has been reassuring to see others flourish and to realize I don’t always have to be “the one” managing or overseeing every meeting or assignment. It can be refreshing to tag team with other people.
Now that things are more stable with my loved one, I have the space to reflect and appreciate being surrounded by so much love and support. It was uplifting during a really challenging time. It has been encouraging to experience so many people express their care and concern (and in many cases some could relate to this experience). Now my plate isn’t just filled with tasks (I still have them) but it’s overflowing with love. I will gladly sit at the dinner table all night to not clean this off my plate.