So What?
Well, here we are, heading into the last month of 2024. This is a year I am not sorry to see go. While every year has its ups and downs, this one included more difficulties than expected with the rapid decline and passing of my father along with the volatile political landscape, I’m ready for a new year. This is also a time when things ramp up, only to slow down and provide opportunities for rest and relaxation with our loved ones. This year I am setting an intention to savor the Holidays, enjoying the special moments with family and friends (or by myself). Part of that intention will be determined by my perspective. What pressure am I putting on myself to make sure everything is perfect? What expectations am I allowing myself or others to have about meals, gifts, or celebrations? As much as I love seeing those I care about happy and enjoying themselves, I’m going to adopt a “so what” attitude. Let me explain.
While I haven’t kept track I imagine there have been a million or so times that I have been anxious and uptight about a myriad of things, did I get equal gifts for the children, do I have the hostess gifts ready for whatever party I’m attending, will I make it to the airport on time, do I have enough gas in the car, when will I have time to do laundry or mop a floor? The list goes on and on…And if you are an educator you can take that list and then add to it, will I get all of the papers graded before the break, how do I herd this group of cats who are eager (or worried) about having time off, when will I complete all the other tasks asked of me by administrators? It piles up quickly. That’s where “so what” comes to shine!
Can we slow down enough to evaluate the outcome if any one of those things doesn’t get checked off the list or addressed? So what if the floor isn’t mopped? So what if I forget a host gift? So what if I don’t grade all these papers? So what if I don’t check everything off my to do list? What are the implications of the answers to any of these questions? What is the worst thing that will happen? Is that outcome unfathomable? Is it life altering? Play it out. Play out the worst-case scenario. If I don’t do XX then XX happens. Can you live with that? Should you? Will you be ok? And actually, will you be better?
When I find myself in a tizzy, worried about doing all the things, I’ve started to take this view. What’s the worst thing if I miss this flight? What’s the impact if I say no to this request? Will I be better or worse off? Is my life hanging in the balance? Is anyone else’s? This helps me to gain perspective. It alleviates pressure. What I’m finding is often I am my own worst enemy. I’m the one who places these unrealistic expectations on myself. Typically, those around me are far more patient and gracious than I allow myself to be to me. I’m the one enforcing my own tight timeline, not them. I’m the one with the expectations of how it should be. No one else has inflicted that standard. How can I extend that same grace with myself that others would offer? OR even how can I show myself the same patience I would show to others? (I do want to note that there are some occasions when there could be negative impacts that we need to be mindful of, however I think those are far less frequent than we allow ourselves to believe.)
I’ve noticed that just like we want good things (peace, happiness, rest) for those around us, they want the same thing for us. Think about that. How great that we all want the same thing. So, let’s collectively start moving in that direction. I’ll give you grace, and you give it to me too. That feels so freeing, doesn’t it?
My hope for all of us as we wind down this year, and prepare for a new one, we can make a concerted effort to respectfully ask ourselves (or others) “so what?” as we face the daily tasks that await us. And maybe just maybe we can enjoy the true meaning of the holidays not in a holi-daze.