Cape of Courage

Growing up I was quite a people pleaser. I would do everything out of obligation, what was the right thing to do or whatever was expected of me. That made for an easy job for my parents, having such a compliant child. (And boy did things change for them with my younger two sisters who were not so much). I continued that trajectory into my adulthood, not really considering my own wants or needs and just automatically putting others needs above my own. Or embracing others’ opinions rather than thinking for myself. At some point, I realized that I didn’t want to continue living like that. I felt angry that I had neglected myself for so long and started to speak up more. One of my dearest friends served as my cheerleader in that regard. She would push me to think for myself, speak up, have an opinion, and help me feel more empowered. Even now there are times when I’m tempted to shrink back to old habits, and she will be my example. We often laugh that she is my “cup of courage.” Often people use adult beverages as their cup of courage. They have a few drinks and find the courage to initiate with someone they are interested in getting to know better or maybe speaking the truth to another person. It seems to work but maybe isn’t necessarily the healthiest way to find your inner strength and confidence. (not that a couple drinks are harmful per se)

Recently, I attended a conference with a couple of colleagues. We were there hosting a booth during the portion of the conference where attendees walk around and explore various exhibits. I told my coworkers that in this situation we needed a CAPE of courage (I didn’t think imbibing in adult beverages in this scenario was advisable). I encouraged them to be brave and bold as we interacted with strangers. Although it's one of my favorite things to do, it can feel awkward to put yourself out there like that at times for some. They appreciated that image and cited it a few times while we were there. It made me think, there are several occasions that we need to don our cape of courage throughout our day, even (or especially) as we practice self-care.

It may be hard or uncomfortable to say no to someone who has asked you for help and you just don’t feel like you have the energy to do any more. Put on that cape! Be gracious and kind but politely say “no” or offer an alternative. Can you help them next week? Or for a shorter amount of time? Or along with someone else so you can divide up the load and not have to do it all on your own?

Maybe someone is taking advantage of your kindness and good nature. Perhaps you feel underappreciated or unacknowledged. Slip on that cape friend! Find your voice, share what you are feeling. Set a boundary or speak your truth. It is ok to get a pat on the back for your efforts. It is ok to not have to carry the weight of the world without any help. Let someone else take a turn. Or let others celebrate all you do (and then take a break).

I was just at a school for their late start morning to do a brief professional learning session for them. Before and after my presentation, the administrator walked through updates and requests for the team. The principal mentioned at least three if not four survey links that were emailed to the staff that needed to be completed for various (necessary) reasons. With each reference to another link in the email I felt myself getting tired. I thought, there is so much extra put on these folks, and I know it’s not just this particular building. How can we reduce those asks? How can our cape of courage work in those situations?

My friends, at this time, we are deep in the throes of the school year. There is so much happening around us and to us. My hope is that this blog encourages you to take a moment, slow down, stop the autopilot cycling and take a look at what can give. Look for ways to simplify and synthesize. Once you find those things, put on that cape of courage, and stand up for your own needs. You will not only be your own superhero, but you may be that for someone else too.