Just Say No
If you grew up in or before the late 80’s/early 90’s you may remember the “Just Say No” campaign initiated by then First Lady Nancy Reagan to dissuade young people from doing drugs. While I’m not sure the efficacy of that campaign on drug usage by adolescents, I can give her credit for adopting a slogan that sticks with you. Even to this day, in some circles, it still resonates.
As can be expected, over the holidays, there were numerous opportunities to socialize. Gatherings with family and/or friends, to exchange gifts, share a meal and spend time together. Those are some of the highlights of this time of year. It can also be some of the stressors. I remember during this time of year in 2023 I was so harried. I was contentious and committed to not going overboard and doing too much but I don’t think I truly succeeded in that effort. (I’d need to go back and read the blog from this time that year). But I recall several people commenting to me that I was too consumed with ensuring everyone’s needs were met. This year I made a concerted effort to take it a step back.
This year, there are no less opportunities to mix and mingle with those for whom I enjoy spending my time. I just decided to take a closer look at each event and determine how much I could realistically give. For example, I was invited to a Christmas brunch/cookie exchange with a group of friends. I was excited to meet with them for brunch (who doesn’t love a good brunch?) but I was less enthused about making 48 cookies to exchange on top of my work travel schedule and prepping for the holidays. So I said yes to coming for brunch and socialization and just said no to the cookie exchange. It was liberating! (and I still left with about 8 cookies). Plus the good news is I wasn’t the only one who didn’t make cookies. Two other friends also said “no”. (They said no for different reasons but still I wasn’t the only one without cookies). As I drove home that day, I thought what else can I say no to?
Ironically, just a few days later I attended a workshop on self-well-being. One of the strategies touted by the presenter asked “What can you not do? What can you put on hold so you can focus on your own wellbeing?” He cited strategies from Pope-Ruark, R. (2020) Beating Pandemic Burnout. Retrieved May 12, 2020, from Inside Higher Ed. It resonated with what I had already been practicing. Finding ways to say no, like cutting out “extras” or putting things on pause to prioritize my health and wellness.
It may feel daunting to say no to people you love, or doing things that seem important, but I’m finding just like with any new behavior that the more I practice this skill the easier it becomes. And the people you love/that love you will hopefully support your stance and maybe even imitate it. That’s always an extra motivator for me, to model desired behaviors for others. Now finding ways to say no has almost turned it into a game for me. Each day I can think, “What can I say no to today?” “What can I push pause on?” “Do I really HAVE to do this laundry today?” “Do I HAVE to check ALL the things off my to do list?” “Is there something that can wait until another time?” (or doesn’t need to happen at all?) Take the time, slow down and look for ways to say no.
Each year rather than committing to new year’s resolutions, I select one word as my focus for the year. I already have this year’s word selected (I keep it private). But for you, as you embark on a new year with endless opportunities ahead, consider what your word could be. Is it “balance”? Is it “love”? Is it “freedom”? (those have been some of mine before) Or maybe this year it could simply be “no”. See how it goes, try it on for size and let me know. Just say no!