Hindsight is 20/20
Each month as I contemplate what I’m going to blog about, I look for recurring themes (messages from the universe) or consider ways I can share lessons I may be learning about my own self-care. Usually, it’s pretty obvious and I can easily put words to paper based on what I’ve seen or experienced. This month is different. In fact, there are competing themes or lessons that I could share. So, I’m thinking of switching it up a bit and simply regurgitating what I’ve been wrestling with recently in hopes that it helps.
The first growing pain this month has been about being gracious with myself. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to set an example of self-care. I feel like since it’s what I’m passionate about, I need to be modeling that for others (plus I believe in it and know its benefits). I talk a lot about thinking ahead so you can prepare for and prevent burn out and exhaustion. I believe in many cases one can proactively avoid the pitfalls that come with not prioritizing one’s own wellness, through consistent practice of self-care.
Typically, August is a busy month for me, as I travel around the state to support back to school professional development days with my self-care message. This past month I did have a few of those but the travel was less rigorous than usual. However, I did travel to Florida to bury my father at sea (during Hurricane Debby nonetheless). Knowing that I was facing a difficult time, I intentionally focused on taking walks, having down time, enjoying mindless hobbies and other activities that I believe bolster me. I hoped that filling my bucket would sustain me as I poured myself into others, and I would not be left empty. (I know what my “empty” looks like-I get short-fused, intolerant and prickly). I’m here to say it didn’t work. As much as I tried, I fell short. I came out of that time exhibiting those symptoms I just mentioned. And to top it off, I chastised myself for not doing a good enough job of self-protection. The negative self-talk tapes were in high gear “How can you tout self-care to others if you can’t even do it for yourself?” UGH! Fortunately, I know enough to know that I need to talk about those thoughts and feelings. I’m lucky to have people in my life to tell me to be gracious with myself. Imagine what I would have been like had I NOT tried to prepare. Someone said to me, “Remember, we are all works in progress”. It’s ok for me to not be perfect in my self-care journey. In looking back, I realized I could have done a better job at establishing/enforcing boundaries. I inadvertently let others take too much from me. I allowed myself to get pulled back into old habits of only caretaking for others instead of myself. When you know better you do better. I learned from this experience and hopefully you can too.
The other lesson I’m still wrestling with is around anticipating my needs. It took me until my mid-30’s to realize I even had needs. Then it took me time to practice feeling brave enough to express those needs to others. Over the years, I’ve made progress in this practice. And I encourage others to speak up and say what they need, however, I noticed that this is an area in which I still have room to grow. In this past month, it became clear that sometimes I am not in touch or fully aware of my need(s) until after the fact. This is evident when I get resentful or upset because they weren’t met. (It’s not really fair to be mad at someone for not meeting your needs if you don’t tell them what they are). I realize that I dance around them, I have some small awareness and may even sorta verbalize them (i.e. insinuate an interest or desire) but still need to grow in clearly identifying what I’m feeling and then continue to build the confidence to share it with others. I need to be more explicit about them. It can feel vulnerable to put it out there not knowing how it will be received. Regardless, taking that chance on yourself is necessary for your ultimate happiness and fulfillment. I had conversations with two people this month who sacrifice their own happiness out of fear of backlash from someone else’s angst. We all deserve better than that.
So, my friends, please know that I share these examples with humility that even though self-care is my “thing” I realized I’m still a work in progress with many areas of growth ahead. I will continue to share my life lessons and hope that you will join me on this journey, knowing that looking back can help us as we move forward.
